TOPIC: Santa Clause Problem

I play Santa for the kids. I do a few parties and for a church playgroup that is like a Head-start program. Well this summer my Wife's cousin Grandson Killed himself and left 3 small children. I've been warned that I am going to be asked to talk to God about "Getting Daddy back". I feel a tear-jerker is coming.Any Ideas of what you might say to a preschooler who asks this. A few years ago I was asked if I could make a little girls Mommy Happy because she cries all the time. Please some ideas might help.

wow robert ,i played santa and so did my dad,but boy thats a very tough one,about all i can think ofis..your daddy was soooo special that god needed him right away,and will need him for awhile longer.
your daddy is doing very important work,and he misses you too.
you will see him someday when you go there,but right now he has very important things for you to do right here,like getting good grades in school,listening to what mommy tells you and above all ..have fun!and that will make your daddy proud.

i dont know if that will help robert but wow that is a heart breaker,john

heres a pic of my dad as santa clause,john

Well i was at a conference the last two days without my laptop so I'm catching up. John you took the words right out of my mouth!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bob, I would go with John suggested.

Bob

Robert, Don't know if this helps but it's a wonderful story regardless. You may be able to ad lib something. Best of luck.
Shipley








A lovely little story to remind us that life really can be beautiful. It is not known who replied, but there is a beautiful soul working in the dead letter office at the US postal service.



Our 14 year old dog, Abbey, died last month. The day after she died, my 4 year old daughter Meredith was crying and talking about how much she missed Abbey. She asked if we could write a letter to God so that when Abbey got to heaven, God would recognize her. I told her that I thought we could so she dictated these words:

Dear God,
Will you please take care of my dog? She died yesterday and is with you in heaven. I miss her very much. I am happy that you let me have her as my dog even though she got sick.
I hope you will play with her. She likes to play with balls and to swim. I am sending a picture of her so when you see her You will know that she is my dog. I really miss her.
Love, Meredith

We put the letter in an envelope with a picture of Abbey and Meredith and addressed it to God/Heaven. We put our return address on it. Then Meredith pasted several stamps on the front of the envelope because she said it would take lots of stamps to get the letter all the way to heaven. That afternoon she dropped it into the letter box at the post office. A few days later, she asked if God had gotten the letter yet. I told her that I thought He had.

Yesterday, there was a package wrapped in gold paper on our front porch addressed, 'To Meredith' in an unfamiliar hand. Meredith opened it. Inside was a book by Mr. Rogers called, 'When a Pet Dies..' Taped to the inside front cover was the letter we had written to God in its opened envelope. On the opposite page was the picture of Abbey & Meredith and this note:


Dear Meredith,


Abbey arrived safely in heaven. Having the picture was a big help. I recognized Abbey right away. Abbey isn't sick anymore. Her spirit is here with me just like it stays in your heart. Abbey loved being your dog. Since we don't need our bodies in heaven, I don't have any pockets to keep your picture in, so I am sending it back to you in this little book for you to keep and have something to remember Abbey by. Thank you for the beautiful letter and thank you for sending it to me. I send my blessings every day and remember that I love you very much. By the way, I'm easy to find, I am wherever there is love.

Love,
God

man,i like that story,the pic of my dad as santa was a long time ago,he has passed,i sure do miss him.
now my mom has another wonderful guy in her life that i know will take good care of her ,thank you ed,john

Robert, that's a tough one for sure. What to say to a preschooler is that they have a big heart, daddy knew this and wanted them to share it with him. He is and will ever be in their hearts and minds. There will always be something missing the rest of their lives. My oldest son passed away when he was 15 in '82 and there is a gap that will never be filled. Comforting words help some and no matter what you say will never bring the answer they want. What they want is their daddy back, the way it was and the way it could be. Age will bring understanding but it will never fill the hole that those kids carry with them. I sincerly wish there was a pat answer for your situation but there is none. Unlike an old boat you cannot restor the feelings and emptyness.
Cal

i remember Houston telling a heartwarming story about a girl he met in a diner a few years ago. a real tear-jerker.

Cal,
Unfortunately I know all to well what you mean. I lost my 25 year old son last December 27th and there is a hole in my heart that will never be filled again. I'm hoping once my daughter gets married and has grand kids for me it will help some but your right it is a hole that will always be there. The best we can do is move on and be strong for the rest of the family. As for being so young and losing your father it is going to be hard for her but she will be fine eventually. The best Bob can do is try to help her understand as best he can, if she does spring that question. It may help, it may not, but all he can do is try. It will be hard but better to try than not address it at all and her thinking Santa doesn't care. She doesn't need that on top of losing her daddy. Everything you've said is absolutely true but as long as Bob knows that before going into it he can plan some kind of response and not get blindsided so to speak.

Cal I'm very sorry for your lose and feel you pain brother.

Bob

I am glad I was warned that she will ask and I'm glad for all the help I got here. I know there will be over 40 people there at least. They listen to the kids. Several years ago a good friend died and his Grand children called him Pappy. At his funeral someone brought in his Grand children and one of the younger ones said to his body. "Pappy get up now, I want to see you. There was not a dry eye in the house.

Bob,
I'm glad we could help. I know we haven't physically met but your a very caring person I can tell and I'm sure you'll do a fine job. Just remember when it gets tuff we're all behind you buddy.

Bob

Robert, you do have tough one there. I ussally don't post on family matters but I feel like I may be able to give you a little help here. I have been asked countless time to talk to young children about the loss of one of there parents. Years ago I tryed to write something down to tell these children and after countless weeks of trying to find the best thing to say I couldn't write anything. All I do is just say what comes to mind at the moument. It has allways worked well for all concerned. I have been doing alot of these in the last 8 yrs at christmas time. Some times it is hard with out getting a wet eye, but no one has ever said I have said the wrong thing. I guess I am just saying go with what ever make you smile and don't worry, you will do just fine. Skip.

I have no recall of what ron is talking about (sorry) but with my problem memory's are some what a wish, but I may be able to work something up for you if I had an age -range- to work with.

mark, you told me and sue that story the first time we met you and genny at the diner in jersey city.

ok ok, for some here with no back ground other than what your reading in this thread, just over 4 years ago I had to have Brain surgery to remove a non cancerous Colloid Cyst which is a form of a brain tumor that basically closed off the 3rd ventricle of my brain and caused the cerebral fluid to build up in my skull which began to crush my brain with a condition called 'hydrocephalus'...

There has been some side effects from this, with walking and talking and my memory 'recall' from my long term memory and a completely unreliable short term memory here is an post I made to my group (275 world wide) discussing -'vanishing memory's'

Excert from a conversation forum for the Colloid Cyst Survivors ( -A closed Group-)

<sub>Well Hi again guys I guess what I am dealing with at the moment is living with a short term memory problem, which I have now a yardstick to work with and I am trying really hard not to let the cloak of depression take over (again) by just telling my self...you have -this- problem, you understand -this happens-..write it down...shot a video...take a picture...

my yard stick is about four days, maybe five, that I will lose an image of an event along with other fine details such as a discussion contents of a conversation, along with back ground information that would involve surroundings and other persons involved after about 5 days it basically just vanishes with not much other than a vague impression in my memory of the event itself as to -it- happening, yes...i can say I did that but..well that about all's I can remember..is yes I was at -X- location and I saw and talked to -X-, as far as what we talked about, or a description of what -x- looked like I can't recall.

another thing I have discovered is what is called a frontal lobe anxiety disconnection...which happen while riding with Genny on the interstate, genny was driving at speed and I saw another car (suv) ahead of us that was driving extremely slow with no hazard lights on at night, which is what triggered me because..i see stuff like that.

Seeing it, also noticing genny didn't, matter of fact her mouth was going on about something bla bla bla, in stead of just being able to say...look out, heads up..check up..I ended up with sounding like Mel Tellies, Ge-ge-ge-ge-ge- which she has picked up on this already and she stopped her bla bla bla'ing and with an explicative quickly changed lanes and 'saluted' the other car while driving by....

Minutes passed before I could get out what my SCREAMING mind wanted my mouth to say...which was way pass the moment I wanted to start, I had to look in to what caused me to act like this...it tends to happen to people who have had a frontal lob injury where -in the brain- during an extreme moment of anxiety people with a frontal lob injury will experience a breakdown in their ability communicate, which again this was just something that happens with me -sometimes- in a lessor scale but this time showed it self in it's completeness, which again I would have to say this is not a result of having a colloid cyst rather possibly a side effect of the operation it self.</sub>

I guess if I say I do not remember something, please understand...i simply can not remember or trust what I have remembered because there is this 'other' part where memory's get combined, dates get mixed up, people, events everything is just mixed together 'sometimes.

understood.....

Ok, so no need to post a video of the procedure with the the skin pulled back showing the insertion of what looks like a tube that is pushed slowly into the hole....which then the camera show the view from the endoscope as the tube is sent to the location where the tumor is ...and the deselection removal process begins?

oh well..

just got back from the E.R. btw..kind of had to have the tendon for my right index finger reconnected, so I am one handing this.

what happen?

I was throwing away a piece of garbage into our kitchen garbage can, it was full technically so i went to place it on top while holding the lid open.

I tic'ed a bit so instead of placing it on top..I shoved my hand down in to the garbage in the can feeling something brush against the top of my finger, pulled out my hand just to see a can lid stuffed into the knuckle...

any one know how old these kids are?

looks like my participation has killed another thread...

sorry...

feel real warm and fuzzy inside....

not because I am a thread killer, rather because the antibiotics I am on.

....???...

-ok-...-ok-...-ok-

Stick a fork in it, it's done...

mark my friend are you ok?i hope your knuckle is ok,and if you need a friend to lean on,send me your phone # and i will give you a call,john

Mark, all threads sometime must die. It is not you. My threads in particular don't live long. Besides is it not normal to stab yourself doing stupid stuff. I just don't tell anyone. I once put a 1/4 inch drill bit in my forearm a couple inchs. Yes it was stupid. Never hold a door open with your arm while your drilling, it could go badly.

Mark, A new thread could be started with the dumb things we have all done over the years. Last month I cut into my cell phone with my Milwaukee grinder, had a 4" metal cutoff blade on it, holding 1" angle iron between my legs "trimming" a corner. Cut off the corner and proceeded to go through my pant leg and into the phone. Few years back using a band saw wasn't good enough to cut the wood, had to go into my left index finger too, 17 stiches on that one.
We all have days...

I cut off my index finger at the first joint down when I was around 12 years old cutting my Halloween Pumpkin. It's as crooked as a dogs leg till this day.

just this past weekend i tried pushing over a 40 ft. dead white oak with my tractor.it was starting to uproot and by mistake i let off on the gas and the top sprung back and snapped. a 8' piece landed on my cab roof. prob would of killed me if not for the roof.

Robert, this is classic thread hyjack. Sorry. I hope you've gotten some ideas for your situation. I would bet that you might get some help from a local clin psycologist just for asking.
Cal

63 Sabre wrote:

Robert, this is classic thread hyjack. Sorry. I hope you've gotten some ideas for your situation. I would bet that you might get some help from a local clin psycologist just for asking.
Cal

My post 50886, the last line -is- asking how old are the children, how is that hijacking a thread? I posted what I posted about my history following up on ron's comment about some story that I can not remember and why.

-again- how old are the children?.

Ha Ha The children I'm talking too go from 2 up to about 72 years. The one in particular is 4-5 years old.

4 or 5...-Wow- that's a tuff one, will give it a bit but there some advice posted above about reaching out to a child physiologist that might be able to lend some insight.

My best stupid stunt by the way involved a couple blocks of wood, and a piece of scrape plywood which I set up on our hard wood floor to "trim" with my circler saw. I just brought in the fresh cut plywood from out in the garage which I cut for the height to block the bassets from the kitchen using self returning spring hinges.

forgot to set the depth of the saw blade while doing the last trim width cut...

so dear, about that throw rug.....

Well the party is tomorrow night. God let me be good enough.

Good luck Bob, I have a hunch you're going to do just fine!

X2 Bob, just don't let the little crumb crunchers pull too hard on the beard.

I'm no good at that kinda thing. I think you'll do just fine, best wishes.

My Bo Bo, party is Sunday not Saturday.

Party went well. Three kids were sad and could not be cheered up by me. None asked the question. God I feel bad for those kids. Here I am with the prettiest girl there. Kelsey Paige Cristen Bob Jr. didn't sit on my knee. So here he is with my Lionel.

God bless you for doing it Bob, bringing a little brightness into those kids lives. Even though there may have been a few who didn't seem to respond, at least you gave it your best. And the rest will probably remember today for the rest of their lives. I believe in my heart the Big Guy upstairs has a special place waiting for you when the time comes. Thank you for sharing this story with us.

X2 Bob, The gentle man does not go unrewarded.

I learned for sure that my three Granddaughters knew it was me and Bob Jr. never got that close. A side note was I could not get away. They followed me outside and I could not get back into regular cloths. I had to go back to the fire hall and get help because Blitzen would not show up with an audience.This is a real rural area where kids can actually play outside. Friday is another party for the Head Start Group. I'm having fun. Here is the one who was going to ask the hard question. God look over these kids. John was the son of the man who is dead.

robert,great thing you are doing,and it breaks my heart to see the 2 little ones,you can see in their faces the heartbreak they have.
its good they have people like you to take time for them,bless their little hearts.
is there anything i can do to help them out?it would be so nice to know i helped in anyway possible,john

John I think time and understanding is what they need more. There are three kids. The oldest did not even come close but stayed to himself. John (deceased) brought him up as his own and I don't even think he knows he is not his Fathers blood. Sorry to say his wife is a tramp but it is so. She was with her boyfriend on the day it happened and moved in with him with-in two weeks. She runs around to the bars and leaves the kids with anyone who will watch them. She told someone who whispered in another's ear that she handed him the gun and told him to do it as he left for work. He worked a double and came home to an empty house. Shortly after he done the unthinkable. He shot himself behind his Uncle's house and drove beeping the horn. John stated he shot himself and Les called 911 but he passed before paramedics got there.