TOPIC: World History 101

World History 101

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. Beer required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture.

Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

The wheel was invented to get man to the beer and vice versa. These two were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1. Liberals.
2. Conservatives.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.

Other men who were less skilled at hunting (called 'vegetarians' which was an early human word meaning 'bad hunter') learned to live off the Conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hairdressing. This was the beginning of the liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men evolved into women. Others became known as "girlie-men." Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that Conservatives provided.

Over the years Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass for obvious reasons.

Modern Liberals like lite beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: many liberal women have higher testosterone levels than their men.

Most college professors, social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, film makers in Hollywood, group therapists and community organizers are liberals. Liberals meddled in our national pastime and invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink real beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are members of the military, big game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, engineers, corporate executives, truck drivers, athletes, airline pilots, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other Conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when Conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history. It should be noted that a liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to this post. A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be shared immediately to other true believers and to just tick-off more liberals.

I'm going to grab a few beers and grill some steaks.

That’s also why liberals always want to change history and apologies for thinks conservatives had to do to make the world a better place. Please when President Trump wins again in 2020 you do not send all your wacko liberals up here to Canada !! We already have enough of them here now.

Thank you for the history lesson. Now, it all makes sense !!

NRA forever...Doesn't make sense to me...

Awesome lesson, thank you for posting this bit of history, it all starts and ends with beer. God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy... lol.

Dont forget our True Leader!

I'm partial to "In Harms Way".

My absolute favorite Navy movie. I have it recorded and it's my go-to movie to watch on the TV in the shop. I've seen it maybe 20 times. "I don't like it Paul. Sound General quarters. Make it no drill."

Ah yes....movies. Where the dixie cups wear pure white with polished belt buckles underway Should be wearing their dungs and ball caps or maybe a scrubby white hat. Cooks wore white pants and T's in the galley.

You better watch and record all the John Wayne movies you can! Just seen they want to rename his airport for something he said in an interview 50 years ago . I am sure it wil be his movies next .

You're right. Nobody wore whites at sea and officers didn't wear ties. We didn't step down ladders when general quarters sounded, we grabbed both rails, jumped and slid all the way down on our hands. You can also see a marine through the glass on the bridge...full uniform. By the way, that lookout should be up on the signal bridge, not the command bridge. The Japanese would NOT have wasted ammunition strafing a Lincoln Continental...which somehow turned into a Ford when it went over the cliff. The "low level jump" looked like a 10K' jump to me. I could go on but it's still my favorite navy movie!

The best air combat movie has to be "The Battle of Britain"...all-star English cast and the greatest WWII fighter footage you will ever see. Check out this video. Skip to 5:00 when the Bf-109s strafe the field. One of them comes in wide open at a height of 20 feet! I could listen to those 100 octane piston engines all day.

Bob Hope at his best: